Guided By Voices

As you may know, David Cameron - visionary Conservative leader and British Führer (2010-2019) - has, over the past year, been consorting with an eclectic, international set of rightwing politicians, writers and intellectuals. I broke into his house and found this memo:

Conservative policy direction for government?

Gentlemen and ladies,

You may be aware that I have been purring seductively around the heels of a number of dangerous extremists for some time now, and have taken from these consultations a great deal of inspiration re: future direction for our party, post-election. Please review my notes. Comments welcome.

Youth and Community
The 'Broken Britain' meme has now well and truly saturated the public consciousness. With the help of sympathetic elements in the press, we have so successfully reframed the average teenager as an embryonic psychopath that even some liberals have bought it. When your father passes an 18-year-old boy in the street, he fully expects the boy to produce a large bladed implement from his waistband, drive it into the soft flesh at one side of the belly and drag it all the way across, then stand watching as the intestines flop, as if in slow-motion, from the obscene gaping wound, stand barely smiling - so jaded that mere existence is torture, so numbed by ennui that even this depraved orgy of violence, this adventure to the godless far reaches of human experience, is a deadening routine - look into your father's frightened, uncomprehending eyes, then walk away bored before daddy even hits the ground. The city crumbles. Anguished screams echo between deserted tower blocks. Therefore, I expect voters will welcome a compulsory 2-year tour of Afghanistan for all children between the ages of 14 and 19. Posting tertiary citizens (to be defined in further communications) to front lines - ostensibly in support services - should provide a useful buffer for active personnel. (Re: education, we may, under the pretence of a post-election emergency budget, be presented with the opportunity to do away with state-funded education altogether. I'll go into more detail at a later date.)

Economy
It was generally assumed, at the start of the economic crisis, that we would see a shift in the public mindset towards more socialist Utopian ideals. The opposite, however, has proved to be the case. As one immediately becomes considerably more attracted to one's wife when she threatens to leave, so now - more than ever - the voters crave capitalism. Spending continues to rise. After a decade of prosperity, shiny things, house porn and cokestripper orgies, they have no desire to embrace a simpler, less extravagant existence. No-one has a problem with capitalism who believes they stand to benefit from it. Two-pronged attack: 'a Conservative government will make you richer'; while for the truly hopeless (state-educated, social housing), keep trotting out the trickle-down bollocks. As the economy worsens and public spending recedes, they'll take to the streets: brutal guerrilla warfare: gardening implements; makeshift firearms; cars upending; cannibalism; necromancy; wearing each other's faces, etc. 2 or 3 years of this should help spoon away some of the scum. I believe this is what is known as social Darwinism.

Immigration
Our ultimate goal, obviously, is zero immigration by 2015. Liberal orthodoxy still exerts a stranglehold on British society, however, so this must be a gradual process. A terrorist attack may be useful (consult MI5 and Met re: feasibility, etc... possible ethical issues: IMPERATIVE NO MORE THAN 200 DEAD). Deal with remainder as with Muslims (see below).

Muslims
Softly-softly - even, dare I say it, conciliatory? - approach initially, introducing a non-compulsory programme of integration courses, possible 'amnesty' for fundamentalists and would-be radicals. As time progresses, participation may become compulsory for all practising Muslims, with imprisonment for non-participation or failure. Scope may, over time, be widened further to include non-practising Muslims. Voters should be sufficiently desensitized by 2018 for us to introduce summary incarceration and ultimately deportation for all. Any resulting fuss should be manageable (police: shoot to kill?).

The Jew
My consultations have left me absolutely in no doubt that the Jew poses as grave a threat as ever to British interests. Besides being inherently untrustworthy, self-serving and unhygienic, the Jew has, more specifically, brought the global economy to its knees and betrayed our Lord,

(Several pages missing)

state media, summarily executing dissenters among former representatives of the free press. By 2019, Final Solution should pass more or less unopposed.