Schmalvin

Calvin Harris: A Day In The Life

Calvin Harris is having a lovely dream about eating some pancakes but then ding-a-ling-aling! it's time to wake up because it's about ten in the morning and he has to go to the studio today and make some songs that they'll play on the radio and listen to on their MP3 players, so he gets out of bed and goes to the toilet for a wee and then he washes his hands and then he goes downstairs and asks his mum to make him some breakfast and he says, I fancy pancakes today Mum, but I don't know why, so his mum says, you sit down Calvin and I'll make you some lovely pancakes, and she does and then puts them on a plate and then puts the plate on the table and Calvin puts some maple syrup on them and puts lots of sugar on and then he eats them with a fork and they're well nice, then he finishes his pancakes and puts the plate in the sink and his mum tells him he'd better hurry because he has to go to the studio and make some music and not to worry because she'll do the washing up, so he goes upstairs and goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth and then he goes in the shower but then he gets out of the shower because he's forgotten to get undressed first, so he has a shower and then gets out of the shower and then he goes to his room and he puts on some socks and then some underpants with Bananaman on them and then he puts on his trousers and a t-shirt and some trainers and then he leaves the house and says, bye Mum I'm going bye! and starts walking to the studio and on the way he decides he wants some rhubarb and custard sweets so he goes into the shop and walks up to the counter and looks at the shop assistant and he says, hellooooooo! and he looks at the shop assistant and the shop assistant looks back at him so he carries on looking at the shop assistant smiling and the shop assistant keeps looking back and he wonders why the shop assistant doesn't just give him his sweets but he doesn't worry about it too much so he keeps looking at the shop assistant and the shop assistant keeps looking back and then he forgets what he came in for, so he goes back out of the shop and walks off down the street until he gets back home and he goes in and says, hi Mum I'm home! but she doesn't answer because she must be out or something, so he goes to the kitchen and makes a nice fried breakfast with some eggs and some beans and some mushrooms and some nice sausages and some bacon and some tomato ketchup and a lovely cup of tea, and he eats all of the breakfast he eats it all up and then he goes upstairs to the bathroom and he has a quick poo and then he washes his hands and then brushes his teeth and then he gets changed into his jammies and gets into bed, but then his phone rings and it's the producer and he says, come on Calvin we're supposed to be making some music today for them to play on the radio and their MP3 players and Calvin goes, oh no! it was a such an eventful day today I forgot to go the studio and the producer laughs and Calvin laughs and the producer laughs and Calvin laughs and the producer says, come on Calvin I'll send a car to pick you up, so the car comes to pick Calvin up and Calvin gets in the car and the car sets off to the studio and the driver says, hello Calvin how are you today? and Calvin says, hello Mr Driver I'm a bit sad today actually, and the driver says, oh dear! what's wrong Calvin? and Calvin says, well you know when you like look in the mirror and you look really hard at yourself like really trying to see into your soul and you don't like what you see because you realise that the life you've chosen for yourself is utterly meaningless and it's sucking you dry draining you of all substance and you're like looking at your eyes and you're trying to look through them and you can't see anything there it's just like looking into a void and you can almost feel yourself being sucked into it like you might lose your balance and fall in and get lost forever completely disorientated in the foggy swirl of your own vacuousness and you'll never escape and can you just drive the car into this wall please or off this bridge? and the driver says, no I've never felt like that Calvin have you? and Calvin says, I can't remember now. What was I talking about? And the driver says, I've forgotten hey! we're at the studio now Calvin! and Calvin says, hooooraaaaaaay! and Calvin goes in the studio and makes some lovely songs and they will play them on the radio and their MP3 players.