Stephen Hawking, 1942 - 2009

Just received this important communication from Conservatives for Patients Rights. Please circulate:

The FACTS About The English Health Service

• London's English Health Service was founded in 1948 by Joseph Stalin.



• You might be thinking, 'now, hey! Free health care, that doesn't sound so bad, right?' Perhaps not - in theory. But the reality is very different. Health care costs money, and the more people there are to treat, the less money there is to go round. Which is why the English Health Service refuses to treat sick people, only performs surgery on the under-30s, and drowns disabled babies at birth. If it had its way, Stevie Wonder, Christopher Reeve and former President George W Bush would not be alive today. In a nutshell, the English Health Service wants its patients to die!



• To further cut costs, the English Health Service recalls London's citizens on retirement. Having been informed by letter that he has reached the end of his useful life, the retired Londoner goes to his nearest English Health Service centre on the specified date, where he is put to sleep and melted down to produce the gristly slop on which London's citizens are fed in huge, gray, socialist canteens.



• English Health Service surgeons kill far more people than they save. Think about it: what incentive is there to do a good job when they're only getting paid the same amount as the cleaner, whose job it is to remove, by hand, their stools from the buckets that Londoners - who lack modern drainage facilities - are forced to use for toilets? London surgeons perform their operations in dirty, ill-lit, blood-spattered basements, often while drinking warm beer and smoking. One patient who, in 2007, went into theater for a routine appendectomy, woke up the following day to find his lower intestine dangling outside of his body, the surgeon having neglected to pack it away before the cavity was stitched up and cauterized. Meanwhile, 26-year-old Ben Morgan of London had so little confidence in the English Health Service that he attempted surgery on himself after suffering a brain aneurysm. As a consequence, his entire vocabulary was dramatically reduced to just one word: 'glans'.



• Socialists argue that universal health care systems such as the English Health Service are fairer as they make treatment more accessible to people on low incomes. But should these people be able to afford health care? Surely, if God had meant for the poor to live beyond 50, He would have given them money? The poor exist to fix our cars, clean our homes and provide us with guilty sexual gratification. Allowed to flourish, unchecked, they will very quickly become a drain on any society. They're also loud, unsightly and ill-mannered.



• The English Health Service hates freedom.