Junt

Jeremy Hunt, Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport...

... done a massive shit in the doorway of the Tate Modern!
... poked a hole in the mouth of the woman in Lucien Freud's Girl With A White Dog and shagged it!
... done big trumps and burps into a loudhailer all the way through a performance of fucking Stockhausen's Licht cycle!
... dressed an Antony Gormley figure as a slag!
... stuck the pages of Ballard's Wind From Nowhere together with cum!
... set fire to a load of community arts centres with a burning cross!
... melted down Louise Bourgeois' Maman to make a giant bronze cock to punch a big hole in the British Library! Then he shagged the hole!
... got crabs then shagged all the birds at an 'urban' music event!
... shagged culture to impress his boss! But he didn't shag sport, because that, apparently, has been great, recession-busting value for money!

Haha! Of course, none of this happened. You see, Jeremy Hunt isn't actually a real person, but a cartoonish Tory stereotype.